What if the father of my baby isn’t excited?
Your ideal situation for a pregnancy might sound something like this: “I feel ready, our parents are excited, and my partner and I are so in love – we can’t wait to meet this baby!”. Unfortunately, pregnancies don’t only occur in perfect circumstances. Maybe you just met your partner, or maybe you’re afraid to tell him you’re pregnant. Maybe you already told him and he’s angry, confused, or gave you an ultimatum to abort.
Reactions like these are common. Remember what a shock it was when you saw that positive pregnancy test? It’s just as overwhelming for him as it was for you. Here are a few suggestions to help you deal with an unsupportive partner.
- Don’t rush – Just because he is angry is no reason to rush into a decision without thinking through all the options. Give it a few days or weeks to sink in. Once the initial shock has worn off it may be easier to sit down and have a calm discussion about the future.
- Be informed – Research your options and decide the best route for you and your baby. Then present this information to the father in a calm, collected manner. If you find it hard to speak to him in person without someone getting upset, it may be easier to type up an email with links to information that he would find useful. This way he can process the information slowly, at his own rate. /for-men/
- Involve him – Early in your pregnancy you will need to have a pregnancy test and ultrasound. You can get both of those done here at The HOPE Center, for free. The father of your baby is welcome to join you for that appointment! If you would like, he can see the ultrasound and gain useful information about your pregnancy, the baby, and choices you have. This appointment may help the pregnancy feel more real for him and for you. CLICK HERE TO SCHEUDLE AN APPOINTMENT
- Ask for his support – Your partner could be worried that he won’t be a good father or that he won’t be able to handle the stress of a newborn. Tell him you’re in this together and that you want to make a plan that is best for both of you and the baby.
- Know when to walk – If you have taken the time to have a calm discussion with the father of your baby and he still isn’t supportive you need to know that you can do this on your own! You don’t have to feel pressured to into a decision just because he isn’t on board yet. We are here to support you during your pregnancy, you won’t be alone.
- Ask for help if you need it – It is rare, but sometimes men become violent toward their partners when they find out she is pregnant or when she decides to keep the baby. If you are worried that the father of your baby may become aggressive it is best to only see him when someone that you can trust is in the room. Stay alert to any growing aggression and take precautions to keep yourself safe.
If you’re like most women we talk to, your partner is the first person you told about your pregnancy, so we know that his support is very important to you. If you want to learn more about resources for your partner or yourself, please, schedule an appointment today. We have supportive advisers trained to help him and you move forward on your journey toward parenthood.